Basically I hate time. I hate waiting. I wish I could fast forward. I know that half the fun of life is the experience of everything. But I've had enough waiting! Enough longing. Enough lessons in patience...Failed everyone and that's why I'm still at this place...But it doesn't hurt any less. Things I miss that I can never get back because of time...Because of restraints. There for a purpose....But damaging just the same...Unchanging....Exhausting.....

sooo...

the head throbs....the eyes tear up,....the mind runs a million miles an hour.

where am I going to get a cosigner so I can go to school. how am I going to figure out this unempolyment thing so I can actually pay my bills in order to go to school...

I wish he wouldn't pull things like this when I'm so stressed. this is when I need him most.

and the constant struggle to keep God in perspective. It's easy to trust him for the little things...they don't matter as much if he seemingly falls through. But this big stuff is hard to let go of....I want to do it all myself so that I can be sure it will done....my way. It's times like these I should be crying out to God with my concerns....but he didn't seem to listen before, so why should he now. Feels like...nope..once again it's on my shoulders to carry the load. I know this attitude it all wrong. It's a lie. But it's how I feel.